Things are clearer (but more confusing too)

I just found a really great piece of advice from www.theonequestion.com. It helped me figure quite a bit out. For instance, I know for sure that I want to be an author, features writer and speaker. I know for sure that I want to use my voice to guide and teach others on how to find their purpose. I just don't know how. I don't know how that will pay the bills. I don't know how it all fits together.

I know for sure that I don't want to be a dolphin trainer (captivity freaks me out), but I do want to spend a lot of time with dolphins. I really believe that this is my own hobby and passion and that I will travel the world spending time with these magnificent creatures. Dolphins bring me back to who I am and that is not something I want to make a career out of. I want to create a career making a difference and then using the resources I make from that to send myself all over the world, exploring oceans and dolphins and myself.

The article that got me thinking and clarified things for me is something I want to share with you.

Here it is:

When thinking about what you should do with your life, you often already know several possible paths that lay in front of you. Ideas about what to do with your life can come from teachers or family members who told you that you were good at something; characters in books or movies that you relate to or admire; your favorite activities or subjects you studied in school; other careers or paths you've heard about that you think are interesting.

Reflect for about 15 minutes on all of these things and any other idea you've had regarding what your life's purpose might be.

In order to use the power of imagination to our advantage here, first come up with at least five different paths (for career, lifestyle or whatever area of life you are pondering about) for your life. Now pick one and imagine every detail of that path.

Ask yourself these questions:
• What your life would be like?
• Imagine your daily life, starting with waking up in the morning, and go through in detail each of your activities.
• After 10 years of this life, what kind of a person would you be?
• What aspects of you would grow and thrive in that kind of situation?
• What aspects of you would become dormant or unused?
• Who do you see yourself surrounded by? What kind of people do you have in this life you are imagining?
• In living this life, how do people see you? Imagine a stranger is hearing about how for the first time... What is their impression?
• What about this life gives you the greatest joy? What about this life gives you anxiety? Write these things down.
Meditate on this vision.

As you imagining this life path, observe how you feel emotionally and physically. Repeat the process with all the 5 paths (or as many as you identified as possibilities).
How Do You Know Which Path is the Right One for You?

When you've imagined all of the paths, ask yourself which one made you feel the best. The path that is truly yours to follow will make you feel inspired, energetic, peaceful and exactly YOU. In each scenario that you imagined, identify your emotional state. The scenarios that contained feelings of stress, difficulty, loneliness or fear are the paths you should eliminate. The paths you imagined that made you feel relaxed, self-loving and generous are those that show the highest promise.

P.S. Take especial notice of the aspects of each life that you said gave you the greatest joy. Look at all of those to see what they might have in common. See if you can imagine a life that contains as many of those elements and repeat the exercize to see how that life feels to you.

Coming back to my centre

While I found myself in a complete whirlwind of confusion regarding my life purpose, I have decided to first align myself again with my centre. What this means is that I will put what matters first. The things I don't do because "I don't have time" will now be done. There are a few aspects to this decision and I will elaborate on each point briefly.

1. Martha Beck says in "Steering by starlight", "Living space is a powerful metaphor for your life. Whether you know it or not, you can't change your life without changing your home, and vice versa." And, slowly but surely, I am starting to make my house a home. It's small things here and there, but I want my home to be magical. I want people to see my personality and my values and my passions when they walk in. By doing this simple task I have already discovered what is really important to me. Needless to say I am surrounded by images of dolphins :) I also have my beautiful sanctuary set up where I can go and be with God and with myself every morning. I think I may just include a photo to show you :)

2. I have always tried to lose weight and eat healthily and have gone on many quests to become fit - I always failed. I hate being fat (I am not obese or anything, but I have always been between 10 and 20kg overweight). I hate going to Mozambique and being the fattest person on the boat. I hate being so tired in the swells that I can barely swim back to the boat again. I want to be strong and fit and healthy. So I joined the gym today. I am going to put everything in this time. No holding back. I refuse to stay the same. I am going to get thin for the first time in my life and I will swim faster and deeper than anyone else on that boat next time. I am even taking up yoga classes. This is a complete overhaul folks. I would put my "before" pic up here for the world to see, but frankly, I am just too embarrassed.

3. The main area of focus is a spiritual one. I need to get back to my core, the real me, my spirit. I have lost an element of my faith along my path and I just feel like I need to connect again before I can even begin to start finding myself.

So there it is. Coming back to centre.

PS: Today I weigh 77kg. Watch this space.

Called to young people or must I just grow up?

I was driving behind a student yesterday with a "maties" (Stellenbosch University) sticker on her bashed up golf's rear window. I felt a twinge of familiarity. You see, besides being the eternal student in terms of non-stop studying, I am also an eternal student...well, generally.
I just seem to get on better with younger people (teenagers especially). When I gave reading classes they were my favourite, and funny, they seemed to love me. We always had a good laugh. When I went swimming with dolphins in October, the person I got on best with was the 16-year-old girl in our group.
There's just a connection.
I guess my question to myself is whether I am possibly drawn to and connected to this young group of people because maybe my "calling" and "destiny" is to work with teens, or if I simply need to grow up. Mature. Become an adult and make adult conversation (yawn).

Am I 32 going on 15, which is actually really cool? Or am I still a hurt 15-year old kid that was so stunted I couldn't grow up (not cool)?

Reading, reading, reading

If anyone knows the self-help genre, it's me. I walk into Exclusive Books and head straight for the Psychology (and sometimes Mind Body Spirit) section. I know all the names (Demartini, Beck, Goleman, Buckingham, Sharma, Tolle, McGraw, Robbins, Nolen-Hoeksema...the list is endless. There is even a bit of Trump thrown in there for good measure).
I have read so many books on how to find your purpose, discovering your strengths and navigating towards your own north star that I could probably write a book myself. PS: I have tried that too, in case you're asking.

So anyway, my point is, when it comes to self-help, I have been there, done that. I must say, in almost every book I read I do find something that really jumps out at me. I am always scribbling down a quote or thought as I read. It's just what I do. Hmmm...if only reading could be considered a life purpose :)

I have just finished reading "Steering by starlight" by Martha Beck. Brilliant book by the way. For those less confused than I am you may even find your life purpose by reading it (no joke).

I gathered some great ideas and tools for my journey, many of which I will actually try implementing (and of course I will let you know how it goes). For now I would like to share one major insight I had while reading (and I quote):

"I think we may be living in the middle of a shaman population explosion. No, really, hear me out.
First of all, anthropologists have long known that shamans, contrarians, druids, medicine people from all cultures share certain characteristics. During childhood, they may be sickly, accident prone, or traumatized. They're extremely sensitive and empathic, frequently suffering from depression, very high anxiety, and/or emotional overload. They may have "psychic" impressions or dreams, and this tends to make them fascinated by spirituality, whatever form that takes in their particular culture. They also have a special affinity for animals, may even try to communicate with various beasties, or consider animals their closest friends. Because these people project high levels of emotional energy and possess an intuitive understanding of others, people often seek their advice. Unfortunately, they have a hard time finding anyone who can understand or advise them."

She was speaking about me folks. I feel this way EXACTLY.
I don't know if that means I am supposed to become a medicine woman in Bali, but I do know that I got a short glimpse of something other than my usual confusion around my purpose. I don't know what it all means, but I am definitely making notes.

32 years old with no idea what to do with my life

OK...so here I am.

Throwing myself into the big, wide open void of cyberspace to declare my complete lack of identity. I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing with my life.

I have studied my entire life (I have degrees in Zoology, Theology, Psychology and Education). I have started a whole bunch of businesses, most of which didn't last longer than 3 months. I have had a string of jobs in a little over 10 years, most of which never lasted more than a few months either. I have been a bookseller, seal trainer, reading therapist, counsellor, teacher, journalist, technical writer, secretary, tutor, learning guide specialist, copywriter and most recently: freelance writer.
So finally I can say I work for myself...but you know what? I'm still having no fun. Don't get me wrong - I am not complaining. Sure, most months I can't even pay my bills, but it sure beats working for a boss.
Thing is...I am still not happy. I don't feel like I am making a difference. I don't wake up excited every morning. I don't feel that "buzz". I am just writing brochures and website copy and the occasional article. I feel bored. I want to do something WOW with my life. I want to feel like what I do has meaning.

I am on the epic search (which I have been on since I was 4) to discover my purpose. I don't care what it takes. I will share my journey on this blog, because if I don't keep myself accountable by some means, I will simply give up again.

I have called myself the Dolphin Girl because that is the only thing (besides my writing) which has been constant in my life. I have always been passionate about dolphins (which is why I studied Zoology). I would hate to be a trainer (please don't even get me started on the cruelty of dolphins in captivity) and I am really just not good at research. But last year I went swimming with wild dolphins in Mozambique and I just found pure PEACE. I am a dolphin girl because when I am with them I simply stop searching.

But, when I get back to the real world and need to earn a living, I start searching again. Searching for the career and calling that will fulfill me. This is my journey.

I am sure I will meet you somewhere along the way.